Laws About HIV Disclosure
First, you need to be very aware of the laws where you live about disclosure of HIV prior to sexual contact. If you live in the United States, the Centers for Disease Control offers a state map with what the specific legal requires are for that state. Whether or not we agree if those laws are fair to those living with HIV, you have to follow the law.
More Than a Legality
Second, although you realize that the actual risk of transmitting HIV is very low, your potential sex partner may not know that undetectable means that you are a 'near zero' transmission risk. So, before they are balls-deep in you (or before you are balls deep in them), you must act in an ethical manner and given them the option of whether they want to make you scream in bed like a little bitch. It's simply the right thing to do to give them that opportunity.
So, When?
Finally, nobody knows the best time to disclosure an HIV positive status. It really is up to the person. Here is my suggestion, and how I navigate sex:
- If you are talking on a dating website or hook-up app, find out if that person is into what you are looking for at that moment. (Don't mention HIV yet.)
- If it looks like you want to bang them, before anyone starts getting ready or leaves their home, quickly ask a simple question: "Hey, are you cool with someone that is HIV positive and undetectable? Because I am."
- If they agree to still want to meet, I would recommend asking the question another time and taking a screenshot of their response and saving it. Confirm they are good to go!
- Finally, before they or you actually insert anything into anywhere (or vice versa) -- ask one more time: "Just making sure you are truly good to go with me even those I am positive?"
If they say they are not cool with it, don't get mad. Say thank you for being honest and then block them and look elsewhere. Sex is supposed to fun. Hiding or lying is not fun!
